Inventions week - Day 1

In honour of the well-known Simpsons episode where Homer attempts to emulate Thomas Edison, I have decided to spend the week developing my own inventions. Here's some ideas for starters:

• Panty-pads for men. Why should women be the only people to have comfort and confidence all month long? Men want to go roller-blading in the park without any embarrassing stains as well.
• Golf-course pulleys. Have you seen all the effort expended on golf courses to carry or pull a heavy bag of golf-clubs around the course? This is all quite needless. There should be a system of ropes criss-crossing each fairway. You simply hook your golf-bag onto one of the ropes, and, via a remote-control Bluetooth system, it is winched down the fairway alongside you. A bit like a ski-lift, but for golf-bags.
• Dark bulbs. Thomas Edison famously didn't invent the light bulb, but he also failed to invent the dark bulb. There are many situations during the daylight hours when there is simply too much light. In such circumstances, it would be extremely helpful to simply switch on a dark bulb. These are made out of lithium flouride crystals with a negative coefficient of opacity. Such crystals are not merely opaque to the passage of light, they positively suck light out of the surrounding space.